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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.