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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"