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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.