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Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.