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I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."