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I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.