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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Iām giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work