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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.