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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.