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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?