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Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.