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My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-