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I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.