Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.