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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin