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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.