Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.