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When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?