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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.