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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Does the Food Network deliver?
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.