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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.