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Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."