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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
My number was 0...
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.