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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?