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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day