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HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.