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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.