Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.