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Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )