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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.