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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!