Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.