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My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.