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When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
is in no shape to exercise
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
In space they just call it "Jam"
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks