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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants