Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Jesus is coming.... look busy
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.