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I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.