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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.