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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.