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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.