Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."