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Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”