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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
One of the saddest days of my life was when I heard that bears sleep for half the year and I realized I had been born the wrong species