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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.