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Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"