Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.