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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.