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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?