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If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.