Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?