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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.