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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.