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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.