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I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
why do i feel like you are reading this
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?