Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.