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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords