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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.