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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!