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If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Are you reading this from a toilet? Iām writing this from one.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.