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I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.