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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me Iām pretty.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.