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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.